What if I do not act as it is?

What if I do not act as it is?
Today I have prepared for you one provocative topic. We all have the desire to be perfect within us, and our sin is not at all consistent with this desire. I have already mentioned that the most difficult thing in spiritual life is to bear one’s own sinfulness. Despite all my progress, despite all my efforts, despite all prayers, self-denial, resolutions while I live and breathe, it will still hold true: I am able to fall. I am able to commit any sin, even the worst. How to live with it? Let’s read one event from the Acts of the Apostles:

            When Paul was in the Corinth, the Lord said to him at night in the vision, “Do not be afraid, just speak and keep silence, for I am with you and no one will touch you to hurt you, because I have many people in this city.” a year and six months and taught the word of God with them.

            When Gallio was the proconsul of Achaia, the Jews stood up together against Paul, brought him to the court, and said, “He is guiding people to illegally worship God.”

            But when Paul was about to open his mouth, Gallio said to the Jews, “Jews, if it were a wrongdoing or an evil crime, I would hear you how it belongs. But when it comes to disputes over the word, the names, and your law, that’s your thing. I don’t want to be a judge in such matters. ”And he drove them away from the court.

            Here everyone seized the superior of the synagogue of Sosten and beat him in front of the court. And Gallio didn’t care. (Acts 18: 9-17)

            Paul is in an unusual situation. Mostly he is the one who is judged and punished. He says how many times he has been whipped, stabbed, stoned, how many times he has been in prison, and so on. Here it also looks at first from Paul’s penalty. But in the end, they will beat Soften, the one who was arguing against Paul.

            Scripture addresses the situation with just one remark. I would personally wonder how a director would handle this situation. How would he introduce the scene? How did Paul react and how should he react? Let us imagine ourselves the situation – we are in the courtyard, in front of the judge. They brought Paul and they want to judge him. Suddenly, what we read, the crowd turns against the prosecutor. What is Paul doing? Where does it stand? Can they see Sosten beating? How does it react? How should it react? Why doesn’t he do anything? He doesn’t care? Are they looking forward to finally beat him, but another? But it can’t! He is a Christian, and a Christian should not behave like this! He has to set the other cheek, he has to throw the bread into him who throws the stone at him. For this is what Christ taught; for Paul himself also proclaimed this! And now?

            Personally, to be in Paul’s place, I can imagine the pleasant feeling of victory and satisfaction that the truth has finally been upheld and I do not suffer, but someone else. I would probably not intervene and give him a good shipment. After all – he needed it! But then I can imagine the remorse that would come: And is it Christian? How can you do that? You should intervene! How can you teach about love, proclaim forgiveness if you now enjoy your accuser’s battle and do nothing? I can imagine vividly how a biographer would accentuate the virtues of a martyr who would warm the attackers in a similar situation and stand up to defend the plaintiff they beat. Then the question would immediately appear in us: and would you be able to do that? The answer is – of course not. And the consequence? Hopelessness. I cannot be holy because I am incapable of given heroism.

            Here stands Paul, who was also incapable of given heroism and yet is holy. Here stands Paul, who shows us that this whole thought process is nothing but temptation. Temptation from the evil who wants to disgust us. For it represents the path of holiness as impossible.

            What to do in similar situations and temptations? The first and most important thing is to learn to distinguish what sin is and what sin is not. Sin is what I do consciously and voluntarily. That is, what concerns reason and will. So there is awareness and consent. Our feelings, our experiences do not belong in this area. They just are. Scientists have shown that emotion always precedes consciousness by a few hundredths. It is always present earlier. So we are not responsible for what we feel. We can be cruel to each other just as we begin to blame ourselves for what we are experiencing. The devil gets us into a vicious circle. I am experiencing restlessness, anger, but I must not, therefore I forbid it, but it cannot be ordered because it is stronger. So I am angry at myself also because I cannot cope with anger.

            As I said, we are not responsible for our feelings, and it is good to learn not to let the temptation provoke remorse for our feelings. What we are responsible for is what we do with those feelings. Whether we nourish them, whether we give them a free run, and even support them, or try to accept them, but sit in the back seat in the car, where driving is not a decision. They are ours, they come with us, but