Two criteria of love.

There are two criteria in love that Jesus gave us.
– The first criterion is expressed in words: “Love your neighbor as yourself!” (Lv 19:18). If you do not love yourself, you cannot fully love your neighbor. That is why I have spoken to you about accepting yourself. If you reject yourself, condemn yourself, do not forgive yourself, pull yourself aside, do not recognize your charisma in yourself, and do not love yourself, you cannot love others. You can only love to the extent that you love yourself. If you do not accept yourself, you cannot accept others. If you cannot forgive yourself, you cannot forgive others.
– But then Jesus gives us a second criterion in the New Testament when he says: “The new commandment I give to you, that you love one another. That you also love one another, as I have loved you.” The novelty of this commandment is not in the injunction “Love one another”-we already find that in the Old Testament. The novelty is in the words-” as I have loved you.” The criterion of loving “as yourself” is no longer sufficient. The criterion has become “as I have loved you” (cf. Jn 13,34). And how did Jesus love us? Unconditionally. Next, we will try to explain the word “unconditionally.” This is newness in love.

The difference between secular and Christian love
It will be good to tell ourselves the difference between worldly and Christian love. Ordinary love is based on feelings, attraction, and sympathy. We see this on television or in reading love novels. The decision to forgive Christian love and forgiveness is based on a decision, not feelings. We must understand this. Often, people come to me and say: “I don’t know if I have  forgiven that person or not.” It is impossible to doubt whether we have forgiven someone because forgiveness is a decision we have come to. It is a question of wanting or unwillingness. If you want to forgive a person, you have already forgiven him. If you don’t want to forgive someone, you haven’t forgiven them. Hence, the doubt whether we have forgiven or not doesn’t exist. If we have forgiven someone, it does not mean that we have immediately healed from all the wounds that we have in our hearts. If I have forgiven you, it does not mean that I will immediately start liking you, that I will immediately if I didn’t like you before. Sympathy has nothing to do with love or hatred. If I don’t like someone, that doesn’t mean I hate them. If I like someone, it doesn’t mean I love them. Sympathy or antipathy is an emotional affair that can lead to hate or love but does not necessarily end hate or love.
For example, I’m sure the Pharisees were not sympathetic to Jesus, but that doesn’t mean he hated them. But he certainly wasn’t emotionally attracted to them. It is often the case that we need to distinguish between love and sympathy. What does it mean to love someone and feel compassion for someone? Attraction to a person, positive or negative, has nothing to do with love or hate. And this is where we need to look at the difference between Christian and secular love.