St. Augustine, Mt 24,42-51

You created us for yourselves, and restless is our heart until it rests in You. (Confession, I,1,1). With these, later-famous words, St. Augustine turns to God in the book of Confessions, and they contain a synthesis of his entire life.”. This word touches me mightily and makes me think. I will start with the question: What fundamental restlessness does St. Augustine experience in his life? Or rather, what kinds of restlessness does this great and holy man encourage us to discover and cultivate in our lives? I suggest three: the restlessness of spiritual search, the restlessness of meeting God, and the restlessness of love.
The first is the restlessness of spiritual search. Augustine experiences an experience that is quite common among today’s youth. He was raised by his mother, Monica, in the Christian faith, although he was not baptized into it. However, with age, he moves away from it; he no longer finds in it the answers to his questions and the desires of his heart, and he is drawn to other offers. He becomes a member of a group of Manicheans, devotes himself diligently to his studies, and refrains from mindless entertainment, period spectacles, and intense friendships. He learns intense love and begins a brilliant career as a rhetoric teacher, which brings him to the imperial court in Milan. Augustine is a “successful “man; he has everything, but in his heart remains the restlessness of searching for the deep meaning of life; his heart has not fallen asleep.

I would say success, things, and power have not anesthetized it. Augustine does not close in on himself, does not let up, and is always looking for the truth, the meaning of life, and the face of God. He is surely making mistakes, taking the wrong paths, and committing sins. He is a sinner, but he does not lose the restlessness of his spiritual search. And so he discovers that God was waiting for him, even though he never stopped looking for him first. I want to say to everyone who feels indifference towards God, towards faith, and to those who are far from God or have left Him, but also to us, who in our daily life we commit perhaps smaller “distance “and “efuge “from God: look deep in your heart, look inside you and ask: you have a heart, who longs for something big or a heart that is sleepy with things? Has your heart retained the restlessness of searching, or have you let it be suffocated by things that have led it to stunting? God is waiting for you, looking for you: what will you answer? Have you noticed this situation in your soul? Or rather? Do you believe that God is waiting for you, or are these truths just “slova “for you? Augustine has his own restlessness of heart, which leads him to a personal encounter with Christ, and in turn, he understands that the God he sought far away is a God close to every person, one who is close to our heart and is nearer to us than we are to ourselves. However, even with this discovery and when meeting God, Augustine does not stop, does not let up, does not close himself off as someone who has already reached his goal, but continues on his way. The restlessness of searching for truth and God becomes the restlessness of seeking even greater knowledge and stepping out of oneself to make Him known to others. It’s a restlessness of love. He would like a peaceful life of study and prayer, but God calls him to be the Shepherd of Hippo in the midst of a divided community and with war at his doorstep.

And Augustine allows himself to be disturbed by God, tirelessly proclaims Him, courageously evangelizes Him, fearlessly tries to be the image of Jesus, the Good Shepherd, who knows his sheep ( John 10,14), and even, as I like to say, “he feels his sheep “and goes out to find the lost ones. Augustine lives what St. Paul asks of Timothy and each of us: proclaim the word, whether it is appropriate or inappropriate, proclaim the gospel ( 2 Tim 4,2) with the magnanimous heart of the Shepherd who is restless because of his sheep. Augustine’s treasure is precisely this attitude of constantly going out to God, of continually going out to sheep…

He is a man caught between these two realities. Never “privatize “love, but always be on the way! Still restless! And that is a room of restlessness. We may ask: Am I restless because of God to proclaim Him and make Him known? Or am I fascinated by that worldly spirituality that invites you to do everything for self-love? We insiders often consider personal interests, the functionality of work, careers, and many other factors. Have I not become comfortable in my Christian life, in my priesthood, in my religious life, but also in my community life? Or do I retain the power of restlessness towards God, His Word, which leads me to go out to others?

Let’s approach the last restlessness, the restlessness of love. I can’t help but see Mother Monica here. How many tears did this holy woman shed for the conversion of her son! And how many mothers still shed tears today so that their children return to Christ! Do not lose hope in the grace of God! In the Confessions, we read the sentence that a particular bishop said to Saint Monica, who begged for her son to find the way of faith: “It is not possible for the son of so many tears to perish “(III,12,21). Augustine himself turns to God after his conversion by saying: “z love for me cried before You my mother filled with faith and shed more tears, than how many mothers spill over the physical death of their children “(ibid., III,11,19).

And this restless woman could finally utter wonderful words: cumulatius hoc mihi Deus praestitit! God has abundantly made up for her for what she mourned! And Augustine is the heir of Monica, from whom he received that germ of restlessness. It is the restlessness of love: to seek always and without ceasing the good of the other, the loved one, with that intensity that brings to tears. I remember Jesus weeping at the tomb of friend Lazarus; Peter, who, after denying Jesus, met His gaze flowing with mercy and love and wept bitterly; father, who looks forward to the return of his son and when he sees him in the distance runs towards him; I remember the Virgin Mary, who lovingly follows the Son of Jesus to the bottom of the cross. How are we doing with the restlessness of love? Do we believe in love for God and others? Or are we nominalists at this point? Not abstractly, not just words, but a specific brother we meet, a brother who is next to us.

Are we being disturbed by his need, or are we staying locked in ourselves, in our communities, which are often “communities of comfort for us “? Somewhere you can live in the same house and not know who was next door, or you can live in a community and not know your fellow brother: I think with pain of religious people who lack fertility and are old bachelors. The restlessness of love constantly forces one to meet another and not wait for the other to come out and say what he needs. The restlessness of love gives us pastoral fruitfulness, and we must – each of us – ask: what is my spiritual and pastoral fruitfulness? We ask the Lord for you, dear Augustinians, who begin your general chapter, and for all of us, to keep in our hearts the spiritual restlessness to seek Him constantly, restlessness to boldly proclaim Him, and restlessness of love towards every brother and sister. Let it happen.