With the birth of Jesus Christ, it was like this: His mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph. But before they started living together, it turned out that she had conceived from the Holy Spirit. Joseph, her husband, was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to shame, therefore he intended to release her secretly » Mt 1, 18-19.
We continue our reflections on the figure of St. Joseph. Today, I would like to take a deeper look at his designation of “righteous” and “betrothed to Mary”, and thus convey a message to all engaged couples and newlyweds. Many events associated with Joseph are told in the apocryphal gospels, i.e. non-canonical ones, which also influenced art and various places of worship. These writings, which are not in the Bible – they are stories that Christian piety created for themselves at that time – respond to the desire to fill the gaps in the narrative of the canonical gospels, that is, those that are in the Bible and that provide us with everything essential for Christian faith and life .
Evangelist Matthew. This is important: what does the Gospel say about Joseph? Not what these apocryphal gospels say, which are not bad or ugly; they are beautiful, but they are not the word of God. However, the gospels, which are part of the Bible, are the word of God. Among them is the evangelist Matthew, who calls Joseph a “righteous” man. Let’s listen to his story: «The birth of Jesus Christ was like this: His mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph. But before they started living together, it turned out that she had conceived from the Holy Spirit. Joseph, her husband, was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to shame, so he intended to release her secretly” (1:18-19). Because the fiancé, if the fiancée was unfaithful or if she became pregnant, was supposed to betray her! And in those days women were stoned to death. But Joseph was righteous. He says, “No, I won’t. I will be silent”.
To understand Joseph’s behavior toward Mary, it is helpful to recall the wedding customs of ancient Israel. Marriage was understood in two precisely defined phases. The first was the official betrothal, which already meant a new situation: especially the woman, although she still lived in her father’s house for a year, was actually considered the “wife” of the betrothed. They weren’t living together yet, but it was like she was his wife. The second act was the transfer of the bride from her father’s house to the groom’s house. This was done in a solemn procession that consummated the marriage. And the bride’s friends escorted her there.
Based on these customs, the fact that “before they started living together, it turned out that she had conceived”, exposed the Virgin Mary to the accusation of adultery. And this guilt was punished by stoning according to the ancient law (cf. Dt 22:20-21). Anyway, in later Jewish practice, a more moderate concept prevailed, which imposed only the act of repudiation with civil-law and criminal-law consequences for the woman, but not stoning.
The Gospel says that Joseph was “righteous” precisely because he obeyed the law like any pious Israelite. However, his love for Mary and his trust in her suggested to him a way to save the observance of the law and the honor of his bride: he decided to give her the deed of release secretly, without fuss, without exposing her to public humiliation. He chose the path of discretion, without judgment and compensation. How great is the holiness in Joseph! We, as soon as we hear some “colorful” or unflattering news about someone, we immediately go to gossip about it! Josef, on the other hand, is silent.
However, the evangelist Matthew immediately adds: “As he was thinking about this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said: “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you will name him Jesus; for he will deliver his people from their sins”” (1.20-21). God’s voice intervenes in Joseph’s discernment and through a dream reveals to him a meaning that is greater than his own righteousness.
And how important it is for each of us to cultivate the right life and at the same time feel that we still need God’s help! So that we can broaden our horizons and assess life’s circumstances from a different, broader, point of view. Many times we feel prisoners of what happened to us: “Well, look what happened to me!” – and we remain prisoners of something bad that happened to us; but it is precisely in front of some life circumstances that initially seem dramatic that Providence stands, which takes shape over time and sheds meaningful light on the pain that has struck us. The temptation is to close ourselves in this pain, in thoughts about the unpleasant things that happened to us. And that is not beneficial. It leads to sadness and bitterness. A bitter heart is so grumpy.
I would like us to stop and think about a detail of this Gospel story that we often overlook. Mária and Josef are two betrothed who probably cultivated dreams and expectations about their life and future. God seems to intervene as an unexpected event in their lives, and both, although with initial difficulties, open their hearts wide to the reality before them.
Dear brothers and sisters, our life is often not what we imagine it to be. Especially in relationships of love and feelings, it is difficult for us to move from the logic of falling in love to the logic of mature love. And it is necessary to move from infatuation to mature love. You newlyweds, think carefully about this. The first phase is always marked by a certain fascination that forces us to live immersed in an imaginary world that often does not correspond to reality. But just when falling in love with her expectations seems to end, true love can begin. To really love does not mean expecting the other person or life to conform to our ideas, but above all it means deciding in complete freedom to take responsibility for the life that is offered to us.
That is why Joseph gives us the important lesson that he chooses Mary “with open eyes”. And we can say that with all the risks. Consider that in the Gospel of John there is a rebuke that the scribes address to Jesus: “We are not sons who come from there”, alluding to prostitution. But because they knew how Mary became pregnant, they wanted to defame the mother of Jesus. To me, this is the dirtiest, most demonic passage in the Gospel. And Joseph’s risk gives us this lesson: take life as it comes. Did God intervene there? I take it. And Joseph did as the angel of the Lord commanded him: After all, the Gospel says: «When Joseph woke up, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded him and took his wife. But he did not know her until she gave birth to a son; and gave him the name Jesus” (Mt 1:24-25).
Christian couples are called to bear witness to the kind of love that has the courage to move from the logic of infatuation to mature love. And that is a difficult choice that, instead of imprisoning life, can strengthen love to withstand the tests of time. The couple’s love continues in life and matures every day. Betrothed love is – let me tell you – a bit romantic. You’ve already lived through it all, but then mature everyday love, work, and the children that will come begin. And sometimes the romance fades a little. Well, is there no more love? Yes, but mature love.
“But you know, father, sometimes we quarrel…” This has been happening since the time of Adam and Eve until today: husbands quarreling is our daily bread. “But shouldn’t there be arguments?” Yes, yes, there can be. “And father, but sometimes we raise our voices” – “It will happen”. “And also sometimes saucers fly” – “It happens”. But how to ensure that it does not damage the life of the marriage? Listen well: never end the day without reconciliation. We argued, I cursed you, my God, I said bad things to you. But now the day is ending: I must reconcile. Do you know why? Because the cold war of the next day is very dangerous. Don’t let the day after start with war. Therefore, reconcile before going to bed. Always remember: never end the day without making peace. And that will help you in your married life. This path from falling in love to mature love is difficult, but we must follow it.
Saint Joseph, you who loved Mary freely and decided to give up your ideas to make way for reality, help each of us to be surprised by God and to accept life not as something unpredictable to be protected from, but as a mystery, which hides the secret of true joy. Ask all Christian spouses for joy and radically, but always keeping in mind that only with mercy and forgiveness is love possible.
