The First and second conversion.

“Come and follow me!”
We have all heard this word at some time or another. But following Jesus is not fun with Jesus, not some comfortable walk, accompanied by with uplifting conversations. Following Jesus is a commitment to
Jesus, a commitment throughout the life of Jesus, from birth to glorification. It means entrusting oneself to this particular Jesus who was expected by the prophets, who was rejected by his people, who on his way to the cross remained misunderstood, but then was glorified by the Father.
Following Jesus is a readiness to embark on the journey. It is the antithesis of sitting comfortably by the stove. One who is not ready to give up everything, his material possessions, his habits, his customs, his achievements, but also his prayer life, for which he has hitherto been he has been accustomed to and has practiced, is not following Jesus. Following is always a movement toward new shores, it is an existential abandonment and a new acquisition, and without taking that newly acquired we want to reappropriate.
This reflects the dynamic of today: “Follow me!” It rings out here the call to communion. To follow Jesus, who has no home of his own and
does not know where to lay his head, individuals do not go. Jesus is followed by the community, the Church, and his bride. The Second Vatican Council, in the Constitution on the Church, clearly speaks of the domestic Church, of religious communities, it speaks of basic cells. Without these small cells, small churches, and, communities, no religious life is possible. And these smallest cells of the body of Christ are to be used for the building up of the local Church. And the local church is to serve the world church.
But where the little cells separate and want to grow and enjoy their own beautiful life, there arises a cancerous tumor, that is, not healthy cells on the construction of the body. These swollen cells then damage the body. Therefore, when following Jesus, it is very important that both the individuals and the basic cells always come out of that in which they have taken root, out of everything they have done, thought, and lived up to this point. It is important, that everyone is always ready to be addressed, to be called, and also to go.
The example of the apostles Jesus’ word to the apostles, “Come and follow me.” is not only such an invitation that one may or may not accept. This call to follow is the word of the living God that strikes the heart when one lets it strike one’s heart. And this word also empowers us to follow. With God, here is in unity word and power, call and enablement. Jesus’ command: “Come and follow me!” therefore empowers us to follow Jesus.
This call affects the apostles individually in a completely personal way. God does not call the multitude as a whole, l where he speaks: “Come and follow me!”, he addresses each one individually in a completely personal way. This completely personal call is evident in the Gospel of Matthew (Mt 4:18-22). sees Andrew and Peter sitting in the boat and says to them: “Come and follow me!” They get up and follow him. Notice: they don’t know him yet. Jesus comes up to them and addresses them – and they follow him. Then Jesus sees others. John and James, and he calls them too. It is also written of them, “They immediately left the ship and their father and followed him” – immediately!
Jesus’ calling and power, the calling and power of God, fall into one.  John’s Gospel is even more clear (Jn. 1:35-51). John the Baptist sends John and Andrew after Jesus, “Behold the Lamb of God!” And they follow him. But they are not yet struck. John the Baptist has shown them Jesus. But not until when Jesus turns and asks, “What are you looking for?” and they are embarrassed to ask, “Where do you live?”, only then does the decisive word come: “Come and see!” This word hits them personally. John later writes they stayed with him that day. It was about four o’clock in the afternoon,” Until the end of his life, he remembers that moment of being personally touched by Jesus’ word. l Andrew is excited and goes to his brother Peter, “We found Messiah!” Peter goes with him but is not yet impacted. Jesus  said: “You are Simon, son of John, but you shall be called Cephas!” So Jesus addresses him quite personally by his name and gives him a new name. Peter is struck and follows him.
And Philip says to Nathanael: “We have found him of whom Moses wrote in law and the Prophets, Jesus, the son of Joseph of Nazareth.” Nathanael was critical: “From Nazareth? Can there be anything good from Nazareth!” Yet he went to Jesus. Jesus looked at him and said: “This is the true Israelite in whom there is no guile.” Nathanael asks in amazement, “Where did you know me?” Again, something quite personal. “I saw you before Philip called you when you were under the fig tree.” Jesus had seen what Nathanael had experienced under fig the tree, but he says nothing further about it. Nathanael, however, is stricken: “You are the Son of God!” This is how the Lord addresses everyone in a completely personal way. I think each of you has experienced a similar intervention by the Lord. For then you would not be here. Everyone feels that he is being thought of and not someone or the community as a whole. The goal of this vocation is to go to Jerusalem to meet death and resurrection. The goal is the fulfillment of this word: “Be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.” The goal is holiness.

The apostles follow Jesus, they enter the school of Jesus. But they are not yet they are not fully committed to him. They have their plans, even with Jesus, they have their plans. They have left the house and the boat, but they have not sold it. They left these things and they wanted to appropriate Jesus. They had their plans: expelling the Romans, and setting up a new kingdom. Then they wouldn’t need their ship anymore. Nor their net and their house. Then they might be ministers. And the mother of Zebedee of the sons even begs, “When you become the lord of Israel, please say, that these two sons of mine may sit in thy kingdom one by one and the other on your left” (Mt 20:20-21). And the others are frowning and are full of jealousy. For they too wanted to sit next to Jesus. Do you notice how many are selfish here? God touched them personally. And now these things occur to them. Something they’ll abandon because they’re hoping to get something better. They want to draw Christ into their plans. This becomes very clear in Matthew’s Gospel (Mt. 16:21-23), where Peter – after the prediction of suffering – tells the Lord directly face to face: “May God be gracious to you, Lord! This must not happen to you!” But Jesus turns and says to Peter: “Get out of my way, Satan! You are an offense to me. You have no sense of the things of God, only of the things of men!” (cf. Mt 16:22-23). Even in the name of God Peter will say: “This shall not happen to you.” How often even we use God’s name to make our selfish goal intentions to clothe ourselves in godliness, to cover ourselves?
And after the promise of the Eucharist, many of his disciples left him and no longer with him no longer walked with him. Here, perhaps, Judas’ betrayal began. On Maundy Thursday it no longer became quite obvious. And Jesus asks, ‘Do you also want to leave?” (Jn 6:67) Perhaps they were left standing there hesitantly, undecided because they were no longer of any use at all they didn’t understand anything. This uncertainty was there, even though every one of them was the Lord personally addressed. Or that dispute over the primacy. They were arguing for first place, even though they were the Lord’s personally affected by them. And they run away from the Mount of Olives. No more Peter is shouting: “Here I am, I’m going with you to my death!” Yes, this Peter even swears, “I never saw him at all!” And all this happens after the frequent and profound intervention, after the address, “Follow me!” All this after three years of wandering with Jesus, after all the miracles, after all that they have heard. We can see egoism everywhere. Their self stands in the foreground and pushes God into the background.
That’s why Jesus, after a dispute over the primacy, demands of his apostles: “If be converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven” Mt. 18:1-5)” He says this to those who have been affected, who have followed him, who have left their homes, their families… By this Jesus is saying: “If are not embraced and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.” He must further say to them (Mt 16:24n), “Whoever wants to come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever desires life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Here Jesus expresses very clearly what he means by the word: “Turn and be like children!” And to Peter, he says: “…and thou, when once thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren!” (Luke 22,32) Thus: When thou art (again) converted (and after months and years of journeying together), then you will be able to strengthen your brothers and witness.
The apostles were certainly affected by Jesus’ call. But this reaching out was not deep enough. Their response was preliminary, not definitive. Only at Pentecost, everything was definite. Then the apostles with their whole existence immersed themselves in the existence of Jesus, and their whole life was set in motion (after the Way of Life), right up to their death.