Spiritual life is for me

Every time we hear a beautiful idea we tend to share it. It is a beautiful property, if we first internalize it, live with it, in a sense we live and spend it. Because she sounded first for me, I have to make her a treasure. For we are at risk of listening to the Word of God not for ourselves but for others: “It is a pity that there is not one and the same person that would help him!” Or worse: “a pity he didn’t hear it, He certainly opened his eyes! ”But let’s not talk about the negatives now. Let us now talk about those cases where something beautiful we experience is immediately exposed to the wind, which can destroy something fragile. Let us now talk about those cases where we tend to advise others, but we are not trying to do the same in our own lives. We are all subject to this temptation. Especially we priests, when we hear something, say immediately – what a beautiful thought, I will use it in the sermon, instead of saying: what a beautiful thought, I will carry it in my heart and live it.

Let us now read another excerpt from Father Hieronymus’s book – Glowing Coals, in which he describes this phenomenon in one parable (a fictional story). He writes about a doctor who has been treating trappers for free for years. He wanted to thank him again, just didn’t know how, so he asked what would please him. The old doctor wished to spend one day in the monastery, to have free movement there and the opportunity to talk to every monk. He wanted to learn something about contemplative prayer:

«The next day the old doctor came as agreed. The whole community knew in advance about his visit, so everyone prepared thanks for what he had done for us. The guest began his visit from the monastery gate. He said with his brother the doorman, “Hello, dear brother.”

“Good afternoon, Doctor.”

“Reverend brother, I would like to ask you something. I hope you will forgive my indiscretion. ”

“Please, Doctor.”

“Do you practice contemplative life here in the monastery?” (With a look of surprise …) “What, please? What do you mean?

“I wonder if you live as a monk’s contemplative life.”

The brother of the doorman immediately recovered and said, “Oh, yes, of course. For we are one of the main contemplative orders, much like the Carthusians and some others. ”

“Sorry, dear brother, don’t blame me, but you didn’t understand me. I wanted to hear something else from you. I mean, whether you personally, that is, as a natural person standing in front of me at the moment, are contemplating. ”

“Ah, well, then! Pf …! If that’s what I know, Doctor. I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know either. You know, this job I do here doesn’t really work. I am in constant contact with people, I learn everything from them, I have to keep communicating … I do essentially the important work that someone has to do here! Remember, Doctor, that in such a large monastery as ours, one must sacrifice himself for the good of his confrères. So, unfortunately, I must say to you, no: I am not living here as a contemplative monk. But how could I do my job? But I sacrifice myself to be other members of our community. ”»

This good old doctor passed almost all the monks and received a similar answer everywhere. Finally, he asked himself, “Where is this contemplative community, benefiting which everyone is so willing to sacrifice? Let’s just count: in this monastery there are about a hundred of them skillfully, and among them I asked the same question gradually by ninety-five. Each of them told me that he had sacrificed his own ideal of contemplative life so that the “others” could fully commit themselves to it. Where are you, then, true meditating monks? »(Hot Coals, pp. 33-43)

The story is fictional, but it reveals the deep truth about man. The temptation not to live one’s own life, but at least to sacrifice itself and create the conditions for others to live. Anything else can be used under the word “life”: faith, interpersonal relationships, marriage, spiritual life, sacrifice, patience, forgiveness, perseverance, beauty – let everyone continue this list himself.

Of course, in certain situations it can be good – if I couldn’t do it anymore and I failed, I would create conditions for at least others. But is it really too late in my case? Do I really no longer have a chance to change? Did I really miss the train? Is there really nothing that can be pushed forward?

Let us now consider the causes of this experience. It can be a laziness – it is always easier to advise than to do it yourself. It can also be self-justification – if I don’t do it myself, at least I teach others. It can be a small-minded thing – I don’t have it, I can’t do it. It can be hopeless – I don’t believe anymore. It may be a lack of trust in God – I don’t believe he is able to turn me. It may be because he doesn’t know.