Eight Sunday in Ordinary Time Year C Lk 6,39-45

What is my speech?

Dear brothers and sisters, the tongue is a dangerous weapon that can hurt immensely. But we also know that language is a beautiful tool that can heal. So, let’s accept the inspiration offered by today’s word of God and think about how we use our language.

In a reading from the book of Sirach’s son, we heard a warning: „Praise no one until he speaks because speech is a touchstone for people“. Yes, speech will reveal us. However, focusing on the speech when we check ourselves is not essential. It tells us when we are in our natural environment with those closest to us. It often happens that we are careful in society. On the visit, we will praise the hosts and not spare compliments on the housekeeper’s food and hospitality; please, we will thank you. But at home, we demand, expect, and never ask or thank each other. We take things as each other’s duty because this is how it should be. Now, let’s look at three everyday situations in our lives. We often don’t even see them as a problem, but at the same time, they are the root of many evils.

Silence. It is not easy to distinguish when to be silent and when to speak. We know that the Evil One wants to confuse us. He wants to convince us to be quiet when we are supposed to speak and to speak when we are supposed to be silent. Since it is not easy to distinguish, we usually choose one extreme: silence. We only talk when the glass has overflowed, and we can no longer keep our tongue in check. Unfortunately, we use a method we are later ashamed of but will not return the said word. That’s why we prefer to keep quiet as long as possible. After all, it won’t hurt anyone. But can’t you get hurt silently? Yes, and how? I heard a sigh more than once: If he said what he thought, if we fought, it would always be better than the silence. Namely, uncertainty is an immense burden. Knowing what I’m up to is usually a better situation than uncertainty. A person who does not know what he is up to experiences trauma. It is not pleasant to be in a position all his life when it is necessary to guess which solution he will like. Namely, silence does not cover non-verbal communication. Although the language is silent or even says “god”, the whole body says something else with its non-verbal communication. Expressing disagreement allows the other to think things through, argue, seek a better solution, or at least confront him with the truth. Silence leaves uncertainty.

Why are we silent? The reasons can be different. We are afraid of conflict because we consider it a sin. We don’t want to argue, and we want peace. Furthermore, we are so scared to speak our minds or have no opinion. We consider it useless to say something because the other person will do his thing anyway, and he only needs our opinion to shut us down with arguments, making it impossible. We are afraid that we will not succeed in the conflict, and we will not be able to answer the question: „So tell me why you don’t like it?“

So, let’s ask ourselves a few questions: If I’m silent, why? Do I realize that my silence also hurts me? Do I have my own opinion? Can I present it appropriately? What am I afraid of? If the silence of the other hurts me, let’s ask ourselves first: If the other person speaks his opinion, do I respect him? Don’t I tend to judge others for my views? Am I giving him no reason to be afraid? Do I give enough space for him to express himself freely?

Another area I want to stop at is the rumble. I don’t know what to call it, whether it’s a bad habit or a lifestyle. We tend to react negatively to things. Someone will say something, I won’t even think about it yet, and I will reject it; I will write it off because it disturbs my comfort, and I will have to change something, do it, accept it, and the like. We often don’t even mean our comment, but the other person doesn’t. He perceives only rejection, which robs him of strength, enthusiasm, and the desire to do something. Over time, such communication poisons life and makes it depressed, without joy or hope. Just as he knows how to motivate acceptance and appreciation, that’s exactly how he knows how to disgust grumbling. Of course, you can also look at things from different angles here. If I were the one who had one hundred, couldn’t it be limited? Couldn’t I try to be somewhat encouraging and appreciative? Although occasionally a hundred, on the other hand, could it not be compensated by encouragement? If I have to listen to the rant, am I not contributing to the other rant in my way of acting? Couldn’t you somehow tune in to its wavelength and look for what applies to it? Do I have to take his grumbling seriously and be influenced by it? Can I gain the strength to act somewhere else?

The third thing I want to look at with you today is callousness. Speaking without realizing what my words can evoke in others. We often hide behind the truth and can bring it very hard to the other. I have heard more than once that we should be honest in marriage. So, I told my husband/wife outright that I no longer feel anything for him/her. It’s true, so then what… Yes, it’s true. But do I have to hurt with the truth? Is marriage just about feelings? And can’t those feelings be worked on again by deciding again for the other person? Isn’t looking for a solution to a problem better than hurting another?

Again, things can be viewed from two sides – if I hurt, Am I aware of the consequences of my speeches? Couldn’t I try to put myself in his situation? How would I feel in his place? And does the other person necessarily have to be like me? The fact that it wouldn’t hurt me necessarily means that it doesn’t hurt him either. Couldn’t an acceptable atmosphere be created to communicate complex things? Couldn’t find a suitable moment? If I am the one who is hurt: Did the other mean it the way he said it? Wasn’t he wounded himself? After all, we know that a wounded person hurts. Could it not be raised above the manner of his speech? Haven’t I already said hurtful words in a difficult moment? I didn’t feel well when the other one wasn’t offended, but he said: I know you don’t mean it that way?

Lent will begin on Wednesday. Let’s try to think about some specific resolution. Let’s think of ways to improve in these areas: silence, grumbling, and callousness. Let’s try to find a particular resolution. It is not enough to say: I want to be good. That is impracticable. I have to name what I want to improve. For example, I want to thank, I want to encourage, I want to praise, I want to perceive the experience of another. This can be precisely measured, checked. Then, the resolution must be attractive – something that attracts me. I have a hard time realizing something I resent. Well, it has to be accurate. So, it depends on me and does not require enormous effort. Aiming for big things is nice, but we won’t be able to do them in the end. A person progresses faster if he sets small goals.