We are happy when someone praises us. On the contrary, we do not rejoice when others criticize us. Although we don’t like it, it is a good sign – that we are not indifferent to them. If they don’t tell us, it may mean that they are afraid of us or that we are indifferent to them. Today’s Gospel also tells us about criticism. We even learn that criticizing is a Christian’s duty and one of the expressions of brotherly love. The Christian tradition knows a better name for criticism: correctio fraterna – sisterly admonition.
Expression of love
Fraternal admonition (criticism) does not mean to drive the other person “on the hooves” but should be an expression of love. His task is not to crush a person internally but to help him grow. Criticism perceived in this way is, therefore, a good sign because it expresses that we are not indifferent to someone and want to help us progress. If Jesus criticized the Pharisees and scribes, they were not indifferent to him. He cared about them as much as anyone else. Jesus reveals to us that we are not indifferent to God because he created us, constantly takes care of us, and includes us with his favor (grace). Paul says, “Where sin abounded, grace abounded even more” (Romans 5:20)!
God cares about us, which he shows us in Jesus, who gave his life for us. Jesus paid particular attention to sinners, which is why he was called a friend of publicans and sinners (cf. Mt 11:19). He just preached God’s word to them, which was for them a correctio fraterna – not only a kind criticism but also an invitation to something nobler. And his criticism had a response – let’s think of Zacchaeus or Mary Magdalene. Jesus taught us to call God the Father. Another proof that God is not indifferent to us is that, like a good Father, he shows us our mistakes and warns us about pitfalls. How? Through conscience, which is a kind of God’s voice in us. But conscience is not always enough for us; we can often drown it out. Then, the intervention of someone of flesh and blood is necessary.
Participating in an angelic mission
Fraternal admonition (criticism) is, in a certain sense, participation in the angelic mission. But even this divine mission can degenerate into something sinister – just as fallen angels are angels. Criticism can degenerate into suspicion and psychological bullying – but that is not the goal of valid criticism. Genuine criticism does not destroy but builds and gives growth. Poorly delivered criticism can be a reason for even greater stubbornness. We often make the mistake of pointing out other people’s faults in a fit of anger, thus adding fuel to the fire.
Today’s Gospel gives us instructions on how to proceed so that our criticism has meaning and bears fruit. Criticism should be an expression of love and not hatred. One must go calmly and ask God for the right words, just like Queen Esther did when she wanted to reprimand King Ahasuerus for his excessive trust in Haman. Esther begged God to put fitting words in her mouth. We have all found ourselves in the role of critic and the part of the criticized. Both require a fair amount of prudence and wisdom. If we can accept criticism, it is a good sign and shows our maturity. If not, what else do we have to work on?
You can choose the best method for you.
It is equally essential to be able to express criticism correctly. One oriental story tells of a ruler tormented by worry about the future, so he summoned a wise man to tell him what awaited him. He told him: “I have terrible news for you. All your loved ones will soon die, and you will be left alone like a stake in a fence.” The king was enraged at these words and had the sage in question bereft of his wise head. Then he called another and said, “I have excellent news for you. You will outlive all your loved ones…”
What was the difference in the statements of the two men? They said the same thing, but each differently. We need the wisdom to express criticism appropriately and, at the same time, accept it generously. Love can help us do that. In the words of St. Augustine: “If you rebuke, rebuke with love,” to which one can add: “If you are rebuked, accept it with love because it is a good sign…”
