The saving boldness of wanting to eat.

You were not brought to your father by a contrite filial heart, but by an empty stomach. 

Illustration photo: 

First, I want to tell you that what you did to your father was really… well, I don’t know what expression would be appropriate and still fit into the Sunday reflection dictionary from the pen of an adult. I will say „maximum inappropriate“. You realize many people would prefer to see you at the pigs for the rest of your life. Otherwise, the country you wasted your fortune in wasn’t ours. Well, I’m asking, because you certainly wouldn’t be in need here; no one worries about hunger here. Okay, I won’t tease anymore. But it was somewhere far away, because they wouldn’t just let you go to cattle and pigs here. Poor animals… and show more compassion for each other than sometimes people do for each other. Vacca vaccae vacca, homo homini lupus. Cow to cow to cow, man to wolf.

However, I would like to return to your story. Many people, as I say, would prefer to condemn you, because you see how your brother reacted when you appeared at home. Well, I want to tell you that I respect you. I like you very much. No, not because of your attitude towards your father, but because of your attitude towards yourself. I’ll explain it to you right away. 

Obviously, you did not come home for any noble motives, but because you were hungry. You were not brought to your father by a contrite filial heart, but by an empty stomach. Being honest with yourself finally saved your life. It was enough not to suppress your hunger and admit that you have an empty stomach, and although you did not find sincere regret in yourself, you found a piece of honesty with yourself. Under the influence of your father’s goodness, you worked your way up to some real tears. Not only for the pain of what you did, but especially for the joy of having a father, no matter what. I know it was a process, but you were honest with yourself initially, bringing you home and saving you.

How long did it take for your older brother to come home? He never went away, no, but he was really out of it. Perhaps emboldened by your example, you finally allowed yourself to be honest. Maybe you allowed yourself to admit, too, all of which is empty. Maybe he also eventually returned to his father, even though he was not physically distant from him. However, getting lost at home can be even more treacherous than getting lost somewhere far away.

However, getting lost at home can be even more treacherous than getting lost somewhere far away.

Oh, happy empty stomach and rumbling belly! Even “nothing” can be more than enough when your heart is only dry: when the eye does not hold regret, but the heart asks for something, give the name of the thirst, because someone is already looking for you.

And you, little man, who are not a fictional character, can you afford to be honest with yourself? Maybe you can’t extract sincere regret from somewhere in the depths. Perhaps a noble desire for noble truth cannot bring you to the Father, because it is too abstract for you to enter your world of flesh and blood. Well, maybe it’s enough to be honest with yourself and name what I need.

Maybe I won’t get a theory from a pig pod war about how ideal my life should be. Maybe my empty stomach will lead me to the Father, my essential desire for something dramatically concrete—more concrete than a crystallized essence of truth, the desire for something tangible, which I cannot feel, and that’s why I’m dissatisfied. Maybe what I don’t have will lead me to God, when what I have and what I have too much to waste have gotten me far from him.

Oh, they say so few people are already looking for God! Who knows, I probably wouldn’t sign it. And what about those looking for him but are hurt and don’t feel him? Whoa… Maybe we perceive God so little because we perceive ourselves so little. After all, we do not perceive ourselves. Perhaps it’s hard for us to hear God because we don’t listen to ourselves. Maybe we have over-suppressed what’s pushing us, what we’re missing, denied that we desire anything, convinced ourselves that this is how it should be, and made it a virtue.

But neurosis from repressed humanity is not God, and cultivating it is not following Christ. And a person who has at least a shred of healthy self-esteem and foresight will quickly run away from it before getting involved in such a thing and ending up stranded without food by the gutter for a utility farm. And so, maybe after all, you have to be honest with yourself, not complicate it too much with all sorts of sublimely abstract, and admit that I have an empty stomach and want to eat. And this desire will lead me to the Father, and he will fulfill my every need.